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Stay clean in style when you’re doing dirty work in the kitchen, in the art studio, in the garden, or at the BBQ.

"I'm not for everyone. Only the cool people." Apron

"I should take it down a notch, no one is this awesome." Apron

"If someone offers you a breath mint, take it." Apron

"Many things are very simple, just difficult." Apron

"I'm like 60% bitterness and 40% also bitterness." Apron

"You can reply "damn" to almost anything on the internet and it fits." Apron

"You're really nice and I like you, but I'm already stalking someone." Apron

"It is very exhausting having a booty that doesn't quit." Apron

"I wonder how the me in a parallel universe is doing." Apron

"That's disgusting, tell me more." Apron

"My suggestion would be to stop talking to yourself about you." Apron

"Sorry for the things I said when I was being honest." Apron

"I might have a bad attitude." Apron

"I am f#cking awesome, that is all." Apron

"I just go online for the dopamine." Apron

"People say I drive them crazy like that is a bad thing." Apron

"There is a fine line between badass and dumbass." Apron

"You are entitled to your incorrect opinion." Apron

"You don't have haters, you're just an a##hole." Apron

"Some people have nothing good to say and they keep saying it." Apron

"I'm not smart enough to be an intellectual snob, but that doesn't stop me." Apron

"If your phone doesn't ring, that's me not calling." Apron

"I'm three scoops of crazy on a two scoop cone." Apron

"I just drank a coffee, I should get a coffee." Apron

"It's hard being this marvelous and this f#cking humble." Apron

"A special thank you to all the people who totally ignored me today." Apron

"I need an exorcism, but for my sh#tty taste in people." Apron

"Do not walk away from negative people, run." Apron

"I won't steal your weed, but I might steal your soul." Apron

"Have some confidence, you dipsh#t." Apron

"I'm magic mutherf#cker, don't forget it." Apron

"In the Land of the Stupid the Slightly Less Stupid is Boss." Apron

"It's easier to not say something stupid if you don't say much." Apron

"If giving a sh#t is wrong, I've never been wrong." Apron

"I totally agree with you but you can f#ck off though." Apron

"If someone says "Don't take this personally", you probably should." Apron

"It may seem like I am sitting here quietly, but I am plotting like a mutherf#cker." Apron

"I came to kick ass and eat tacos and I'm too tired to kick ass." Apron

"You can be funny without being mean, I can't, but that's what they say." Apron

"I can forgive but if I tell you that I have forgotten I'm lying." Apron

"Make burritos, not war." Apron

"I blocked you, so basically you don't exist anymore." Apron

"Words have power, use them wisely." Apron

"If you're gonna leave me rude comments online, at least be smart or funny." Apron

"I wonder what sober people do for fun." Apron

"Profanity is a must, especially if you can be creative." Apron

"People who bitch a lot tend to get very little done." Apron

"Overthinking about overthinking." Apron

"Hold doors open for people, you piece of sh#t." Apron

"Some of you are in pain. I can hear it in your texts." Apron

"You are weird and perplexing. You are probably my soulmate." Apron

"If I haven't unfollowed you, please be patient." Apron

"I always make sure to say "no offense" right before I offend someone." Apron

"The whole rise and shine thing can go to hell." Apron

"I don't run from my problems, I date them." Apron

"I have the confidence of a much more talented person." Apron

"I give the silent treatment to people who don't want to talk to me." Apron

"I work really hard at winning arguments I don't care about." Apron

"My special talent is making easy things complicated." Apron

"I think if I wasn't so out of shape, I'd make an awesome samurai." Apron

"If you drink every day you might be an alcoholic. I only drink at night though." Apron